Doug Donnan

Doug Donnan
Doug Donnan

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Enter Your SIN

Doug Donnan
Executive Editor/OMNI-GENRE+MAGAZINE!
donnan.doug@yahoo.com



















qqqq E Enter Your SIN 
                                   
       by

       Doug Donnan


              [ 2016 / Mendocino, Ca. / Omni-Denomini-Church-Of-All-Souls ]  
==============================================================

Screen #1
H
______________________________________________________________________

Finger-Touch-Your-Religious-Preference
              Then Press ENTER
______________________________________________________________________

q Baptist

q Catholic

q Lutheran

q Methodist

q Presbyterian

q Other*

*Please type in other religious preference  qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq

_______________________________________________________________________

 q ENTER

===============================================================

Screen #2
H
_______________________________________________________________________

Finger-Touch-Payment-Transfer-Method
                Then-Press-ENTER
_______________________________________________________________________

q Mastercard*  

q Visa*

q American Express*

q Other*

*Please key in your Credit Card Account # qqqqqqqqqqqqqqq
________________________________________________________________________

q ENTER

================================================================

Screen #3

H
_________________________________________________________________________

Insert your completed Private Penance Form (PPF) into the flashing gold feed chute.

Then-Press-ENTER

__________________________________________________________________________

q ENTER

==================================================================

Screen #4

H
___________________________________________________________________________

Please take your Redeeming Prayers Receipt (RPR)

Then-Press-ENTER

___________________________________________________________________________

q ENTER

===================================================================

Please follow the instructions on the RPR for absolution from all sin(s) admitted and
submitted by you on your PPF.

___________________________________________________________________________

The credit card you have selected for this automated "Sin Solution Service"  was charged:

 $ 45.00
 $  5.00 (Tom Thumb service fee)
 $ 50.00 (Total)
  ======


                                                       
                                                          _____BLESS YOU !_____


====================================================================
sss1100651...mach.TT51...transf/of funds immed. verified/recorded...end...end...end
====================================================================
==================================================================== 




                                                            _____ The End _____  

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Doug Donnan
Executive Editor/OMNI-GENRE+MAGAZINE!


                              
                  
                  

                







  "Occupational Hazard"

                 

     by  Doug Donnan   

 

             

                                Barnowl, Arkansas


    
     “Christ it looks like half the damn town is out there!”
Mayor Kleindienst almost shouted as he leaned forward and
squinted a look through the rain washed windshield of the
idling patrol car. “Why don’t you just tell them to move
along…no loitering here ya’ll or whatever?”

   Across the spreading Home Depot parking lot a large
crowd of Barnowlians had gathered just outside the main
entrance to the massive hardware store. They were now
creating somewhat of a row as they chanted their displea-
sure with this and that. Soggy, dog-eared homemade protest
signs and multi-colored umbrellas bobbed up and down like
a scene out of some bizarre low budget Fellini film. A few
of the store’s steadfast security team had formed an almost
comical looking human wall from beneath a tight pod of
their own large bright orange umbrellas. It was a silly,
waterlogged standoff at best.

     “Already tried all that stuff mayor,” Chief Newell chewed.

     “What in the world are they complainin’ about Tom?”
Kleindienst tried as he slapped the dashboard. The local
media is gonna’ have a field day with all this nonsense.
What are we gonna’ do?”

     “I don’t really know what these folks are so up in
arms about. Been watchin’ too much TV I figure. All that
'occupy this’ and ‘occupy that’. Troublemakers is what I
say. I recon’ they figure they got some kinda’ damn right.
But, I do know what we’re gonna’ do about it.” Newell said.

     “What’s that?” asked the rattled mayor.

     “I got us a robot from the boys up at Fort Chaffee.”

     “The army?” Kleindienst replied in astonishment. “A
robot…what in hell are you gonna’ do with a damn robot?”

     “Ya’ know sumthin’ mayor,” Newell almost sighed as
he turned to face the wide-eyed Kleindienst. “With all
due respect, if it weren’t for askin’ questions you probably
wouldn’t have nuthin’ much to do in life!”

     “Have a heart will ya’ chief? I mean please,” he
whined, “I have to think about my position in this half-ass
town. I gotta’ family and two dogs to feed!”
    
     “Okay mayor don’t get your feathers wet,” he chuckled
as he adjusted the squad car’s wiper speed. “Not the army…
the national guard.”

     “Whatever,” Kleindienst sighed.

     “It’s a state-o-the-art contraption called a,” he
stopped as he pulled a rectangular yellow Post-It note
from inside his service hat. “A Modular Advanced Armed
Robotic System…Mars for short. It even has sumthin’ they
got programmed into the thing called a ethics catagrizer.
They told me the damn thing can tell who the bad guys are
and who they ain’t… before it acts!”

     “Acts?” Kleindienst replied and then quickly colored
as he tried to decide if that was a question or not. “I’m
a little confused sheriff. If your police people can’t get
these bastards to cease and scatter, what makes you think
some silly army…military robot is gonna’ do any better?”

     “Because,” Newell responded matter-of-factly, “this
thing is programmed to take no prisoners and it’s loaded
for bear…megaphone, tear gas and pepper spray cannons, even
got rubber bullets if necessary. The whole nine yards.”

     The mayor pulled a fleshy mitt of sausage-like fingers
down the full of his sweating face. “This is insane chief,”
Kleindienst gasped. “You can’t unleash something like that
on a group of law-abiding citizens. The Constitution of the
United States gives them every right to—”

     “Save the speech mayor,” Newell cut in as he snapped
up the hand transmitter from the dashboard. “Trust me on
this will ya? I got a hotshot robotic operations guy from
the guard base to oversee everything. He assures me that
just the very sight of this MARS robot will rid us of all
these protestin’ bastards. It’s go time!”

     He pressed the button on the little Motorola.

    “But, shouldn’t you try to—” the mayor stammered.

    “Okay Sergeant,” Newell announced into the handset,
“Let er roll…steady as she goes.”

     Off in the distance, just beyond a lengthy manicured
hedgerow, a rather sizeable olive green truck eased up by
the massive building’s bay of loading docks. A decidedly
ghostly presence it was lingering there, steady littl
puffs of gray exhaust materializing from its twin tail pipes.
The hydraulic tailgate soon slowly lowered and without any
noticeable hesitation the MARS confidently rolled out into the
driving rain. The wheel and treadmonstrosity with its rotating
turrets, omni-directional megaphones and rotating radar dish
looked as if it might be more at home on the craggy surface of
some distant planet or moon than on a hardware store parking lot.   

     “I’m good to go here chief,” a voice crackled into
the squad car’s mobile transceiver. It was Sergeant Mann.
“You wanna’ come over and supervise this little mission?”

     “We’ll be over directly sergeant,” Newell called into
his hand-mike. “You just roll that monster of yours out
there in front of that Mary Poppins party…put the fear of
God in ‘em…I want that whole lot cleared and opened for
business…comprende?”

     “Roger that,” Mann replied, and then clicked off.

     Within moments the young sergeant had managed to maneuver
the rolling robot through the relentless rain and across the puddled
parking lot. The Mars was as silent as death itself. Then…

   BE  ADVISED…YOUR PRESENCE HERE IS DISRUPTIVE…

YOU MUST DISPERSE…NOW BE  ADVISED…YOUR PRESENCE

HERE IS DISRUPTIVE…YOU MUST DISPERSE…YOU HAVE FIVE

MINUTES TO COMPLY… THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER WARNINGS…

REPEAT…THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER WARNINGS…   


         This bellicose blast from the redoubtable MARS came
just a split second before an ominous rumble of not so
distant thunder and a resounding crack of lightning
struck just beyond the wide-eyed throng of gaping 
protesters. As if these things weren’t enough, the
electric bolt from above must have somehow disengaged
the robot’s vertigo and timing mechanism. It did now
roll and rotate uncontrollably there in the shallow
reservoir that was the Home Depot parking lot. It was
spraying a nebulous cinnamon torrent of pepper spray and
tear gas in every direction as it turned and tilted all
about in an insane feral procession.     

     The combination of all this was more than enough to
make up the collective minds of the Arkansas activists.
There was a mad rush by all to the entrance of the waiting
hardware store. Even the steadfast security team abandoned
their umbrellas and position to retreat inside. Within far
less then the allotted time designated by the now dangerously
spasmodic MARS the lot was clear. Only an upended
mass of skeletal umbrellas and abandoned placards now
remained. The ominous sky had miraculously cleared. A
beaming sun, the bewildered Mayor Kleindienst, Sheriff
Newell and the quickly advancing Sergeant Mann now the
sole witnesses remaining outside to the bizarre event.

     The three collaborators eventually linked up at a
relatively safe distance on the vacant parking lot.

     “Can you stop the damn thing?” Kleindienst asked.

     “I hope…I mean… I think so,” Mann stuttered.

     Sergeant Mann had brought his control box with him
and was working feverishly with its knobs and joysticks.   
At last he managed to bring the crazed robot warrior to
a steaming stop. Eventually, the crimson cloud of pepper
spray and mace dissolved and the wary threesome, now
backed by a decidedly apprehensive collection of Barnowl’s
finest, carefully made their way forward. They soon were
circled around the now dormant robot. From inside the
store’s bank of glass doors the wide-eyed faces waited for
the future.

     “This is the first time I’ve ever had this…happen.” 

     “A little unorthodox sergeant, but pretty damn
effective none the less,” from a smiling, chewing Chief
Newell.

     “Indeed!” Mayor Kleindienst exclaimed in summation
as he threw up his arms in frustrated surrender.


                   

                           ____ The End ____    

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Scheherazade

DOUG DONNAN

Executive Editor/OMNI-GENRE+ 




                       




"Scheherazade"

             by

       DOUG DONNAN

            

 

                      CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC/SOUTHERN CHAD

                                         ZAKOUMA NATIONAL PARK

                          SOMEWHERE ALONG THE SALAMAT RIVER


   
      “Be on your guard Colonrik,” DeSpaine whispered under the brim of his weathered
khaki bush hat, “the native boys say this is a ‘free fire zone’…anything and anybody is
considered fair game. AK47s, machetes, and all-terrain vehicles are the tools of the
trade out here!”

     The fallen carcass of the bull elephant was as big as a metropolitan bus. Its’ massive
head had been heartlessly and crudely severed. With scorching indifference the midday
African sun was mercifully, albeit slowly, cauterizing the festering wound. In their
inimitable parasitic way the ants and flies were frantic, tenacious in their attack on the
lifeless gray mountain.    

     “Jesus Christ DeSpaine,” Colonrik choked out over his crumpled blue bandana,
“What did they, your poacher boys, do to this poor creature…decapitate it?”

     DeSpaine lowered his head somewhat and squinted out a laser-blue stare at the
obese, sweat stained American. He underscored the look with a snide puff of disgust.

     “May I remind you Mr. Colonrik, it was your idea to come out into the field to see
first hand how the ivory ‘procurement business’ operates. There is nothing pretty
about it— nothing fair, or off limits. You people want the product. We get it. The old law
of supply and demand—with a deadly set of twists out here on the African plain. It’s a
dangerous game—try and remember that!”

     An ominous squadron of vultures performed a patient pinwheel far overhead as the
twosome continued to vent their concerns and opinions.

     “But was it necessary to chop off its’ very head?” Colonrik sighed as he mopped at
his  bulbous forehead with the kerchief. “I didn’t know that—”

     “The boys are very good at what they do,” DeSpaine cut in as he glanced around into
a scraggly stand of parched Terminalia trees. “They have to be quick about things.
The park rangers and guards are just as determined to protect the elephants as we are
to relieve them of their ivory burden. I’m afraid it’s the most efficient way.” DeSpaine
said softly in a hollow, matter-of-fact tone.

     Off in the distance the snapping sound of rapid gunfire made them cock their heads.
They both stood there for a moment until DeSpaine waved a hand in miming, beckoning
for Colonrik to follow him. He quickly shouldered his huge Marlin hunting rifle and they
made off into the dry bush and cutting whip grass of the sweeping savanna. The muffled
brap-a-brap sound of their four wheelers breaking into the serenity of the park.


                                                               *     *     *


     It was a herd of almost 200 strong. They were on the run, once again. The huge
matriarch at the point frantically trying to lead them out of harms way. She was an
experienced elder, and knew both the safety boundaries of the park and the ruthless and
conniving ways of the poachers. She was wise and cunning; a survivor and protectorate,
a living legend known as Scheherezade—Sherrie for short. Sherrie was leading them all;
young and old, large and small, male and female, in what she felt and trusted to be beyond,
and out of harms way.  However, this time she was wrong—dead wrong! As the running
herd broke through the sea of Terminalia and Acacias they found themselves confronted
by the raging, muddy water of the Salamat River. Most of the older elephants, including
Sherrie, had never confronted this situation. They were more familiar with the Zakouma’
areas sporadic watering holes,not the tumbling turmoil of this mighty, rainy season river.
Also, even with her poor vision, the steadfast matriarch could see the enormous log-sized
crocodiles waiting patiently on the other side of the river. As the gathering herd stacked
up behind her in a nervous wave she quickly decided that now was the time...

The time to make a stand.


                                                                        *     *     *


     “Stagger yourselves along this entrance way,” Aksenhamman ordered as the rest of
the poachers ran this way and that around the huge mounds of elephant droppings that
lead off into the thick sprawling rain forest. “There must be at least one hundred of them
off in there—headed for the river I’d say, not too smart if Scheherezade is leading them
on. The Salamat is much too treacherous for crossing this time of year, and also the resting
crocs on the other side would be a major concern for Queen Sherrie.”He jammed a fresh
banana clip of ammunition into his AK 47 rifle and then adjusted his dark, aviator
sunglasses. “We’ll wait here a while and see if they come back. If not, we can press in
slowly and finish them off by the river bank. Should be a good kill, many tusks.
Mr. DeSpaine will be pleased.”

     The sun burned down relentlessly as the ominous play and the characters in it below
fashioned and formed up for the final scene. There was to be a startling convergence
between the hunters and the hunted.


                                                                             *     *     *


     Sherrie stood for a moment by the riverbank, still as stone—thinking. Before long she
rotated her great body and gave some slow, but deliberate fades of her head and trunk to
the left. She had decided to lead the herd back around the woodland, in effect, doubling-
back the long way around as opposed to heading back into the trampled path they had
 made through the trees. She felt some type of trap had been set for them. A deadly trap
that she was now determined to outsmart.


                                                                 *     *     *

    
     “There they are, just up ahead,” DeSpaine called out with an extended arm and
shaking finger. “They’re on point for something…something big looks like!”

     The two throttled up and raced to the huge broken and trampled opening in the trees
where Aksenamman and the other nervous, onyx-skinned poachers waited—automatic
rifles locked and loaded. Electricity and apprehension cut through the sweltering African
air like a million piercing knives.The fear and perspiration washed over them all like
an ominous ague.

     “What’s up Akkie?” DeSpaine asked silently as he eased to a stop. “You all got some
big ones in there?” he nodded off in the direction of the opening.

     “I believe so sir. Many numbers of elephant came this way. Perhaps led by their great
mother Scheherezade.” Aksenhamman replied with a hand salute to the faded rim of his
New York Yankee baseball cap.

     “Sherrie, huh?” DeSpaine rubbed at his lantern jaw with a puzzled look around. “The
ol’ gal is a little out of her jurisdiction around these parts wouldn’t you say Akkie?”

     “Juri…s…dic?” Aksenhamman tried to repeat.

     “Around the Salamat, ‘specially this time of season,” DeSpaine recovered. “Hmm.,”
he squinted up at the darkening sky. “Another storm is brewin’ my friend. We’ll just wait
here a while and see if she heads ‘em all back out of there. Keep your team ready. You
know how quiet they can be, even a big herd like this one.”

     “Very good sir,” Aksenhamman said as he retreated with a submissive little bow.


                                                                 *     *     * 


     The complacent yet curious crocs observed the sweeping herd of elephants from their
other-wordly position across the raging, muddy Salamat. The long parade of gray giants
was on the move now. Quickly, hurriedly did they follow their trumpeting leader as she
lead them down and down the sandy stone and stick river bank. On and on they ran, great
strides and steps until the stand of trees off to their left did begin to thin out and curve
backward, again revealing the vast wind-swept veldt. Here Sherrie changed course and
started in her cambered pattern. The others followed her with a wild abandon, trusting her
instincts and intuition with every determined stride. They were behind her, come what may.

     All this hurried activity was too much for the crocodiles to ignore. A potential meal did
always stimulate their total commitment to action. So, in a flash of thunder and lightning,
a silent armada of them slipped into the muddy, uncaring river. They were on their way,
memories of blood and rapid spinning driving them across.


                                                                 *     *     *


     It was only a matter of time that the sky turned into a ribbon of darkness and the
clashing clouds relieved themselves. The heavy rain drove down in waves, so fast and
hard it was as if it could not wait to reach the ground. However, the undaunted Sherrie
and her followers pressed on in their curving quest. Around and about did they continued
for some time until, at last, did she slow considerably. The others spreading silently along
beside her for some distance. Eventually, the great matriarch froze in position, this time
in a state of satisfied concentration. She focused in on the blurred figures up ahead. It
was the bad ones— she remembered them. Now, having formed abreast of each other,
as far as the eye could see, the herd (some 200 plus) did stand there in the storm whipped
tall-grass, still as statues, undetected by the band of far off preoccupied poachers.
The mighty, resolute elephants were in position, ready for ‘their’ turn. Now was the time—

the time for revenge.


                                                                 *     *     *


      “I can’t see anything in this shit DeSpaine!” Colonrik called out from deep inside the
hood of his dripping L.L. Bean all-weather parka. “Why don’t we just turn back. Go back
and have drinks at the lodge in Khartoum, let the boys go in there and finish up. I’ve seen
enough of this.”

     DeSpaine turned and shook a disgusted look at the cowering Colonrik, “Sure, sure
whatever you say Bwana. We’ll leave the boys here in this African monsoon to do your
dirty work. But mark this and mark it well; this ivory ‘collecting’ business isn’t an
inexhaustible one. You’ll find that there will come a day when all of these gentle giants
will be gone, killed off by you, me and other sons of bitches like us that don’t give a damn
about anything but money and the pursuit of it. We’ll find out one fine day that…” he
stammered a little as he squinted a dripping look around Colonrik’s flapping hood. Off in
the distance he thought he could make out a long roll of large surging shapes, figures of
some sort. He stepped around the windswept Colonrik. “What the fu…?”

     It was Sherrie and the elongated herd standing in formation, like an army of
enormous gray ghosts.Poised for their assault, they marched forward in the driving rain,
as in a dream, slowly…quietly.           

     “Stay—stay right here,” DeSpaine whispered nervously. “Don’t move!” He made a
series of sandcrab-like movements and then paced over to Aksenhamman and the
others who were huddled under the convoluted, bushy branches of a giant blowing
Terminalia tree. The rain was unrelenting in its attack. There was a wild exchange of
hand waving and finger pointing between DeSpaine, Aksenhamman, and the rest of
the trembling poachers as they stared at the wall of elephants off in the distance.

     “My men will have none of it Mr. DeSpaine, and I am with them in this matter.
We have never seen something like this out here. I see a bad thing out there…a very
bad thing. It is Scheherezade, and she has all the others in collection with her. They
are now as one— they prepare to come for us.”

     “Come for us?” DeSpaine screamed into the drawing rain and wind. “What in the
Hell are you talking about Akkie? Have you and the rest of these little bastar…lost
your cotton pickin’—” he stuttered uncertainly as he whipped around to survey the
distant steaming horizon.

     They were on the move, advancing en masse with Sherrie at the very head of the
frenzied herd. The steadfast matriarch calling and trumpeting the charge.

     The frantic band of poachers dropped their weapons and exploded from beneath the
useless expanse of the listing Terminalia tree. They ran wildly, as if possessed, down
the trampled opening in the trees toward the raging Salamat and the waiting,
voracious crocodiles. The dispirited and desperate Colonrik had already made his
risky and imprudent decision to flee.

     He was to be dealt with first. In his frantic attempt to circumnavigate the rushing
elephants he was woefully unsuccessful. The angered giants easily waved over his
sputtering four-wheeler and made quick work of him. His muffled cries for help were
brief and then there was only the seismic sound of the trembling ground as they had
there way with him.

     DeSpaine, now seemingly frozen in time, witnessed the entire assault in total horror
and disbelief.He soon found himself struggling with his limited options. Time, for him,
was running out. He cursed crazily at the thundering herd as they drew down on him.
Fumbling with his 45 automatic pistol, he emptied the clip in a futile attempt to halt
their maniacal advance. But, in the end, it was to no avail. They overtook him and
quickly trampled him with a purpose. As the rest of the herd moved away in hot pur
suit of the renegade poachers, a lingering Sherrie methodically finished his contorted
body with a succession of powerful, goring thrusts from her curving tusks.

     In due course the once zealous poachers, having just managed to escape from the
elephant’s storming encroachment, found themselves rushing into a snapping ambush
arranged by the lingering crocodiles. Perhaps surprised, but never discriminating, the
vast gathering of peaked crocodiles rushed in for the kill. The swiftness of their scurrying
for the trembling, skinny legs and crawling arms was merciless. Having soon overwhelmed
their prey, they dragged the meat and bones back into the murky waters of the Salamat.

 

     It was done.

 

 

                                                               *     *     *




     The rain had given up and made way for a blinding sun that opened a fissure in the
gloomy afternoon sky like a living presence. The mighty herd, having only recently been
united in their determined revenge, had now disbanded and moved out into the vastness
of the savanna, separate groups going separate ways. Scheherezade and her followers
made for the calm waters of the far off Rigueik water pool where they would wash the
caked mud from weary feet and dried blood from their glorious ivory tusks. They stood
together each in their own towering magnificence with the invincible Sherrie, her royal
majesty, to watch over them and protect them.



                                             _____ The End _____