Omni-Genre+Magazine: Good Times News Weekly Issue 23

ISSUE #23

GTNW!

GOOD TIMES NEWS WEEKLY (GTNW):

THE GOOD TIMES NEWS WEEKLY (GTNW): POEMS, STORIES, QUIZLERS',

SCRABBLE-[A][I][D][S], 'THOUGHT(S) FOR THE DAY', 'QUOTE(S) OF THE DAY', '

THE EDGE OF ESPANOL', 'WHATSIS'?, 'SPELL CHECKERS', & MUCH MORE!

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Executive Editor: Doug Donnan

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CONTENTS:

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GTNW POETRY & SHORT STORY SECTION:

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"The Chosen Ones"

Doug Donnan

I assume you've seen the blurry footage of the boxcars as they rolled in on the wrought iron tracks,

aboard are the drawn and pallid faces of the chosen ones their sallow eyes betwixt the rotting slats.

These chosen ones were immediately ordered to all get out when the Nazi fiends slid back the door,

they rudely herded them all away to Auschwitz or Treblinka not for simple derention that's for sure.

It seems that all these unspeakable horrific atrocities have faded off into this movie newsreel gray,

but these heavyhearted films are truly enough to remind us of this dark time up until this very day.

Please dear God never again.

We beseech you and we pray.

_____ The End _____

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"The Lonely Hunter of the Heart's Menagerie"

Doug Donnan

Pride is an animal that exists way deep down within,

lying all alone and dormant in its torpid lionheart bin.

Once aroused it is a daunting force of nature indeed,

traipsing all about the ego, prepared to have its feed.

Lauded ferocious King of the emotional jungle heart,

flaunting its regal mein in a way that sets it far apart.

This great beast is a treasure some never do behold,

a fearless opulent brute with a coat that is pure gold!

___ End ___

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*Author's Note:This vignette has more than just a

modicum of truth involved in it. I did indeed find a

new Gideons Bible laying on the side of the road!

"The Golden Book"

Doug Donnan

"It was just lying there on the curb I tell you Tom," I said as I fanned out the pages under his pug nose for

effect. "It didn't look like anybody had dropped it or threw it out of some passing car window. It looked as

though it had been deliberately 'placed' there for whatever reason. Who knows?"

Tom gazed down at the immaculate little black leather Gideon's Bible and then back up at me with a kind of

perplexed puppy look as if he were not only questioning my veracity, but my sanity as well.

"Deliberately placed... hmm. Is there a name or something on the inside cover?" Tom tried.

"Yeh, there's a name inside all right," I snapped back as I thumbed back the inside cover. "This Bible is 'placed'

by The Gideons."

"So you think the Gideons put it there on the sidewalk hoping that you'd stroll by on this particular hot summer

day and pick it up... just like that. Is that more or less what you're asking me to believe here Doug?" he kind of

chuckled.

"Yeh smart guy," I shot back. "And not only that, I discovered something else about this crazy book. Something

that will blow your damn mind completely away."

"Okay Dougie boy. Let me have it, both barrels. I'm ready."

"Well I started to read it a bit. I mean you know fate, karma, kismet whatever. I started with Genesis. You know

'In the beginning God did this and that and so forth', and then I closed it up and put it in my computer bag here.

Follow me?"

"I'm with you. It'll probably be a while before you have any 'Revelations'," he chortled as he slapped me on

the shoulder.

I took a little step back at this more or less fortuitous comment by my diminutive pal Tom. His silly grin soon

turned into a perplexed frown.

"What?" is all he could come up with as he backhanded the midday sweat from his bangly, blond forehead.

"Well, when I opened the book up to where I had left off reading, somewhere around Genesis chapter

twenty-eight, I was incredibly shocked to find that all the words and lines that I had read previously, the very

type itself, had turned to gold!"

Tom looked up at me as though I had just arrived on some alien starship or UFO of some kind. Now 'he' took an

incredulous step backward.

"What can I say Doug?" he shrugged matter-of-factly. "I don't believe it. Perhaps you had better show it to me.

Prove it I guess is what I'm saying."

I whipped the book open again and pinched away the light paper pages for Genesis. "Read 'em and weep Tommy,"

said I as I handed over the Bible to him.

He accepted it with a rather extended look into my eyes before he dropped his gaze down at the floppy, open book.

His chocolate brown eyes widened, owl-like as he skimmed over the points and pages of the passage. Tom looked up

at me again. This time with a squinting, furrowed brow.

"Okay Doug, let's have it. How'd you do this... gold enamel White-Out or some kind of micro-stencil filigree paint?

Fess up amigo."

I grabbed the book back and fingered at the golden lines of Genesis. "I'm telling you the truth. I'll swear on this very

same gilding Gideons good book if you want me to," I declared as I shut the book and put my right hand atop it as

if I were about to be sworn in at some trial or grand inquisition.

"I don't think that will be necessary," he replied with a ponderous raised index finger to his tightened lips.

"But I think there is a definitely a sure fire way to prove you out."

"Okay, and just 'what', pray tell, would help me do that?" I asked smugly.

"Why not just continue reading from where you left off. Go back to the Lord hooking up with Abraham at his tent door

by the terebinth trees of Mamre. I think that was still in plain old black type. Yeh, go and read on into chapter eighteen.

You can read another chapter or so and then we'll just close up the book, wait for a moment, and then re-open it.

Hell Doug, you can read it out loud even. If you dare to. Come on Bible boy we can sit on that park bench over there

under the wandering, knotty chestnut tree to set the mood for you."

I accepted his proposal with a slight, chin raised agreement and we crossed the street for our golden experiment in

Pleasantry Park.

* * *

The park wasn't yet all that active with the usual wandering, watch-checking walkers and runners. There were only

but a few past pregnant mothers proudly pushing their perambulators all around and about the neatly manicured park.

We settled back into our recently (but not 'too' recently) green painted bench.

"Okay Dougie boy, you read and I'll wait," Tom opened matter-of-factly as he studies the fluid stride of a buxom

blonde grass-blade runner.

I found the place where I had left off (where gold print met black) and delved in. I read on for about five minutes or so

slowly, trying to concentrate on all the archaic words and aphorisms that the Bible presents, and then collapsed the

book closed and turned to my remarkably patient, lightfully whistling friend.

"Okay Tom," I said confidently. "We'll just wait a minute or two and then open it back up. We'll soon see what

happens. Okay?"

"Sure thing Doug," he replied wistfully. "Is that so we can give God's, or whoever's, golden ink time to set?"

"Oh ye of little faith," said I in my best Savioralistic mimicry. "Good things come to those who wait don't you know?"

So we waited, perhaps a little impatiently I dare say, for the results of our divine lithographic alchemy. Then I decided,

for whatever reaso, that time was up.

"Okay, let's just see what happened," said I.

"Or 'didn't' happen," from the doubting Thomas.

I opened up the book and thumbed back to where I had left off at the very beginning of The Second Book Of Moses:

Exodus. My eyes opened wide in delight and consternation at the enigmatic miracle.

The new words and passages that I just finished reading (not aloud!) had indeed also, miraculously, transformed to gold!

My friend had now turned a pasty white in shock and disbelief.

* * *

"Well, 'that' is both awesome and downright unbelievably scary," Tom finally declared with widened eyes. "But let's just

go ahead and take our golden text test one step further. Shall we Doug old bean?" he asked as he reached for the open

Bible.

"And what, pray tell, pun intended, would that second step be?" I asked in return, feeling both vindicated and re-challenged

at the same time.

"Let 'me' just give it a shot. I'll pick up where you left off here at chapter one ... Exodus and read a while and then we'll close

her up and then re-open it and see what transpires. This will tell us quite a few things not the least of which is does this golden

book you found lying on the ground only afford 'you' this golden privilege or does it work for others as well?"

I looked at him in a rather curious fashion and then released the book over to him. "Okay let's do it," I said inwardly hoping

concurrently that the words would change for him... and that they wouldn't.

So Tom flipped away until he got to my golden 'Exodus' point and began to read on in a muted whisper. A few people strolled

by with an assortment of pulling dogs and puppys. 'Reel in' leashes in one hand and sagging, damp poop bags in the other. If

any one of them took notice of our wistful, pastoral bench mark experiment they didn't show it.

[ Approximately 10 minutes later ]

"Okay, okay that should be long enough," I decided with more than just a bit of anxious impatience. "Unless you're getting

caught up in it all. Pass it over here, pun intended again, and let's just see what the hell happens."

"But Moses is just about to lay down the laws he got from God up on Mount Sinai. Exodus: Chapter 20," Tom said as he

hesitatingly closed up the book and handed it over to me. "Man it's gonna' be fire and brimstone I'm thinking."

"That sounds very interesting, but it's not 'content' we're concerned with right now. Okay?" said I as I placed the Bible

atop my thighs as though it were some kind of holy laptop.

We played our little waiting game again and then turned to Moses. We studied the lines and chapters that Tom said he

had read.

Nothing had changed... all was in black type.

"Well, well, well," Tom declared. "It would appear Dougie boy that you may have just been selected as one of the chosen

few. Perhaps the 'soul', pun intended by me this time, chosen one. I guess we could try out a third and fourth party, but it

seems like that really won't be necessary. Your thoughts?"

I was now completely bewildered, baffled and bemused at my golden Gideons Bible. Was he right? Was I chosen for some

insane reason? Chosen for what? Was I now supposed to lead the righteous somewhere or was it just divine intervention

of some sort? I truly didn't know what to say. I just stood there, mouth agape, and prayed silently for some sort of sign

or spiritual direction.

We both waited

Nothing happened.

[Two Weeks Later]

I have interupted my 'golden book' reading at the beginning of Revelations Chapter 22. I am very excited about finishing,

but I'm also nervous as hell!

sincerely,

Doug

_____ The End _____

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*Reader participation:

If anyone would like to help out with 'The GTNW'

just drop me a line! (so to speak) Doug/Editor.

Check out other fun stuff at goodtimesnewsweeklydougdonnan

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Color of the Day:

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"Good Book Gold"

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Thought(s) for the Day:

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'Wake up and sniff the decaf.' (Doug)

'A satellite can orbit an orb.' (Doug)

'A hook, a worm, and a fish have 'only' one thing in common.' (Doug)

'I wonder if there is such a thing as 'Avocado Pie with a Salsa glaze?' (Doug)

'An effective rowboat must have 2 oars (minimum).' (Doug)

'All Golden Retrievers are named either 'Rusty' or 'Brandy'. (Doug)

'If you get a female chihuahua name it 'Pocohoundas.' (Doug)

'If Fed Ex ever gets a blimp they should call it... 'FED UP'! (Doug)

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Quote(s) of the Day:

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"Can I get a witness?" (Marvin Gaye)

"An optometrist is an expert eye witness.' (Doug)

"A potato farmer can also be an expert eye witness.' (Doug)

"I'm an expert witness for the Prostitution." (Doug)

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Anagrams, Quizlers, & Much More!!!

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Anagram(s) of the Day:

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> Unscramble this word and feel like a winner!: INOMPHAC

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Puzzlers & Quizlers of the Day:

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'SPELL CHECKERS': Which of these words is misspelled?: 'Cutlas' /// 'Deflagrate' /// 'Gyroscope'

'Whatsis?"

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>> 1. What is a 'Nephoscope'? /// 2. What is a 'Prawn'?

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Scribes. Singers & Super Stars:

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>>> What rock group sang: 'Band on the Run'?

>>>> Who were the two lead actors in the movie: 'The Odd Couple'?

>>>>> What can you get at 'Alice's Restaurant'?

>>>>>> What rock group hit #1 with: "Born to be Wild'?

'SCRABBLE-[A][I][D][S]'

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[I][N][S][I[[P][I][D]: Without flavor. /// [M][A][L][A][P][E][R][T]: Bold.

[M][A][S][T][I][C]: A small evergreen tree. /// [N][O][R][T][H][I][N][G]: Deviation to the north.

[P][A][R][R][E][L]: A chimney piece. /// [P][I][C][C][O][U][S]: Pitch black.

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'The Edge of Espanol':

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"Says who?": Dice quien?

"Just in case.": Por si acaso.

"Take your time.": Tome su tiempo.

"That's life.": Asi es la vida/

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'The GTNW Pictureless Toons':

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"Aroused Suspicions", "Lost Marbles", "Lucky Ducks"

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_____ "Aroused Suspicions" _____

'You may get suspicious if you see your wedding picture album in the dumpster.'***+

'You may get suspicious if you see your wife practicing throwing a Bowie Knife,'

'You may get suspicious if you see a coyote with your chihuahua's red collar in its mouth.'

'You may get suspicious if you see a mule in your den.'***+

'You may get suspicious if you see a copy of 'Lolita' in your daughter's bedroom.'

____ End "Aroused Suspicions" _____

_____ "Lost Marbles" _____

'You may have lost your marbles if you try to rotate your tires with the hubcaps still on.'

'You may have lost your marbles if you use Mrs. Butterworth's as high grade motor oil.'

'You may have lost your marbles if you try to use a waffle iron to write books for the blind.'***

'You may have lost your marbles if you make a centerpiece bowl with lawn weeds.'***

_____ End "Lost Marbles" _____

_____ "Lucky Ducks" _____

'You may be pushing your luck if you hang a Clydesdale horseshoe over your door with only duct tape.'

'You may be pushing your luck if you slap an 8 ft. Sasquatch on the ass.'

'You may be pushing your luck if you make a series of 911 prank calls.'

'You may be pushing your luck if you paint your house in Ferguson all white.'

'You may be pushing your luck if you blindfold your pitbull.'***+

'You may be pushing your luck if you go scuba diving with a T-Bone steak tied to your ass.'***+

'You may be pushing your luck if you give Mike Tyson a copy of 'Ulysees' by James Joyce.'

_____ End 'Lucky Ducks' _____

*** Doug's 'Pics' of the day

***+ Doug's Favs

***+LOL Doug makes himself laugh!

***++LOL (off the charts!)

Anagram, Puzzlers & Quizlers, Spell Checkers, etc Answers:

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> 'CHAMPION'

-SPELL CHECKERS: All are spelled correctly!

>> 1. An instrument used for cloud measurement. /// 2. A shrimp-like crustacheon.

>>> Paul McCartney & Wings

>>>> Tony Randall (Felix) & Jack Klugman (Oscar)

>>>>> 'Anything you want!'

>>>>>> Steppenwolf

... END GTNW... END GTNW ... END GTNW ... END GTNW...

Adios,

Doug/Executive Editor

goodtimesnewsweekly

donnan.doug@yahoo.com

Doug Donnan

Friday, July 10, 2015

Good Times News Weekly Issue 23

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