Doug Donnan
Executive Editor
GTNW/C&CG Staff Reviewer
goodtimesnewsweekly
donnan.doug@yahoo.com
2015
ISSUE #24
"GOOD TIMES
NEWS WEEKLY!" (GTNW)
POEMS,
'SCRABBLE-[A][I][D][S]', QUOTES,
THOUGHTS, 'SHORTY' STORIES
ANAGRAMS,
ANECDOTES, 'THE EDGE OF ESPANOL', &
MUCH, MUCH MORE!
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Executive Editor:
Doug Donnan
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
CONTENTS:
============
============
Poem(s) &
Story of the Week:
=========================
"Shane"
by
Doug Donnan
"I'm givin'
you first play stranger," the gunfighter said.
"n' you had
better be fast or very soon... you'll be dead."
The stranger done
heard him clearly n' offered a wink,
"I've seen
yer kind before amigo... I'm beginnin' to think."
"Please
understand this stranger, I ain't yer damn 'friend',
I'm here to send
you to Boothill... 'that'll' be yer dead end."
"I think I
know why we're out here," the stranger did reply,
"One of us is
gonna' live n' the other's... gonna die."
"Now yer onto
it stranger, so pull when yer damn good n' ready,
but I'll warn you
again... you better be fast n' sure enough steady."
So the stranger
flash drew his pistol like a damn lightnin' bolt,
two shots rang out
in a wink... from that ol' pearl handled Colt.
The gunfighter
dropped to his knees, two round holes in his head,
the stranger
holstered his six-gun... cause he knew he was dead.
The moral of the
story is don't fool with no gun totin' stranger,
'speshly if his
name happens to be 'Shane', cause yer jist flertin'...
with danger.
___ The End ___
=================================================================
"The Cruel
Beast"
by
Doug Donnan
Hate has no real
equal as it prowls the emotional jungle deep within,
there is nothing
that may challenge it for they know they cannot win.
It is the
malicious ruler of the forest as it lopes around in its villainy,
once it sinks its
bloody fangs into its victims it's fraught with cruelty.
_____ End _____
=================================================================
=================================================================
"The
Complaint Department"
by
Doug Donnan
[ 2016 /
GROC-TECH-MARKET / Palo Alto, Ca ]
"I would like
to return this case of bottled water that I bought here yesterday," the
man grunted as he
lifted the plastic wrapped case up and into the jutting service chute.
A rather long,
serpentine line of vehicles was slowly building up just behind his panting
Toyota Corolla.
Garth Brednbuddah had finally made his way up to the massive GTM
machine
conspicuously labeled:
_____________________________
RETURNS AND
COMPLAINTS
_____________________________
"Welcome to
your friendly neighborhood GTM!" an electronic female voice said from
somewhere.
"What seems
to be the problem with this product #66519000776-55299-007 ||||-|||||||||||||-||||||||-||||||-||||||-|||?"
"It's
yellow," he announced up to the stoic stainless steel machine. "Maybe
'amber' would be
a better
description for it.
"It's a
complete case of pure bottled water," was the flat, slightly
condescending, reply.
"Pure
'yellow'. I want to return it and have the total price 'including' the sales tax
credited to my GTM
credit card."
There was an
annoying silent pause as if the machine just might be mulling over Garth's
veracity
and/or sanity.
Then:
"Was the
product this color... yellow or amber... when you purchased it?"
"I'm not
one-hundred per cent certain 'friend', but I would tend to doubt it. My wife
bought it here only two
days ago. And
'she' never makes mistakes... comprende?"
"'Comprende'?"
the machine repeated parrot-like.
"It means...
do-you-understand?"
There was another
extended period of rather embarrassing waiting.
Then:
"Is your wife
there in your vehicle with you now?"
"What damn
difference does that make? ...No! She went over to visit with her mother. She
has a cold. Okay?"
"A
cold?"
"Yes damn it,
a cold. Maybe a touch of the flu bug that's going around town lately.
"This is getting ridiculous
are you going to
credit my GTM card for the money I... my 'wife' spent on this yellow crap or
not?" Garth
asked this
question as he leaned out the window and waved all around and about his red,
white and blue GTM card.
Behind him there
were now an assortment of rather rude catcalls accompanied by a raucous din of
horn blasts.
[ Please insert
your personal GTM credit card in the flashing red slot marked
REVIEW/CONSIDERATION ]
This was not an
audio message. It came across the machine's rather large video monitor. It was
as though the
friendly
electronic feminine voice had gone on some type of break.
"Now wait
just a damn minute here," Garth shouted, now in complete frustration and
fury. "How long is all this
gonna' take? I've
got a lot of already pissed off folks lined up right behind me comprende...
understand? I don't want to
piss 'em off any
more than your damn GTM store here probably already has. And another thing...
I'm not gonna' have my
card 'sucked in'
to your stupid system over a lousy damn case of yellow ass water. This is
insane!"
[ PLEASE
INSERT!... PLEASE INSERT!... PLEASE INSERT!... ] flashed and ran across the
screen wildly.
Honking, flashing
headlights, loud cursing and angry 'move it or lose it'-like calls had built to
a maddening crescendo
just there behind
him. All hell was breaking loose.
[ YOU MUST
COMPLY!... YOU MUST COMPLY!... YOU MUST COMPLY! ]
"Screw
it!" Garth threw the card in the grey plastic barrel labeled 'REFUSE'
there just at the foot of the spastic
scolding
machine... and drove off and away in a huff.
[ SCREW IT? ...
SCREW IT?... SCREW IT? ] the machine's video screen ran on for a few seconds.
Then:
There was a pause
and the video screen cleared. The horny cacaphony and cursing ceased as the
next car pulled up
to replace the
completely disappointed and disatisfied Mr. Garth Brednbuddah.
"Welcome to
your friendly neighborhood GTM!"
___ The End
___
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======================================================
=================================================================
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*Reader
participation:
If anyone would
like to contribute/help us out with 'The Good Times News Weekly
(GTNW) just feel
free to drop us a line! (so to speak) Doug Donnan/Editor in Chief
goodtimesnewsweekly
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==================================================================
"Color of the
Day":
====================
'Amber'
==================================================================================
'SCRABBLE-[A][I][D][S]'
=======================
[C][E][R][I][S][E]:
a light red color. /// [D][E][S][U][L][T][O][R]: One who leaps.
[F][E][N][N][[E][E]:
A small African fox. /// [F][U][L][G][O][R][T]: Dazzling brightness.
[F][U][N][E][S][T]:
Sad, doleful. /// [H][A[P][U][L][M]: Any plant stem.
[M][O][N][I][S][H]:
To warn. /// [C][H][A][C][M][A]: A type of baboon.
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==================================================================================
==================================================================================
'The Edge of
Espanol':
===================
'That's the
story':
'No news is good
news':
'Better late than
never':
'Don't try that
again!':
==========================================================================
==========================================================================
Thought(s) for the
Day:
====================
'Tap Roots':
===========
'It may be time to
tap out if you see your boss filling out a pink slip and your the only one at
work.'
'It may be time to
tap out if you get winded just walking to the kitchen.'
'It may be time to
tap out if you see the janitor cleaning out your cubicle.'
'It may be time to
tap out if you 'receive' a 911 call.'
'It may be time to
tap out if you catch your wife replacing your Viagra pills with Sominex.'.***
'It may be time to
tap out if you catch your wife letting the air out of your scuba oxygen tank.'
'It may be time to
tap out if you catch your wife fiddling with the gauges of your scuba
tank.'
===========================================================================
===========================================================================
Quote(s) of the
Day:
=================
=================
The Game of Life:
=================
"This isn't a
game!" (Henry Fonda/'12 Angry Men')
"It's
Alive!" (Dr. Henry Frankenstein/'Frankenstein')
"Death...
what do you all know about death?" (Sgt. Barnes/'Platoon')
"For someone
who has not lived a single life time you are a wise man von Helsing' (Count
Dracula/'Dracula')
"Now... you
play the game!" (Lewis/'Deliverance')
"This isn't
one of your games Lewis. You just killed a man!" (Drew/'Deliverance')
"Life isn't a
game. It's a privilege!" (Doug/'GTNW')
"If life is a
game, make certain that the dice aren't loaded." (Doug)
===============================================================
===============================================================
Anagram of the
Day:
==================
> Unscramble
this word and don't be afraid: AAINAROP
'Songs, Scribes
& Stars'
=====================
>> Who sang
the song: 'Help Me Rhonda'?
>>> Who
wrote the western/comedy/Sci-Fi short story "The Spurious
Cowboy"?
>>>>
Who wrote & sang the song: 'Imagine'?
'Whatsis?' &
'Spell Checkers'
=========================
>>>>>
What is a 'Desman'?
>>>>>>
Which of these words is misspelled?:
'Memento' /// 'Minuet' /// 'Nautilus'
=========================================================================
=========================================================================
=========================================================================
"Lost
Marbles", "Lucky
Ducks"
=========================================================================
_____ "Lost
Marbles" _____
'You know you've
lost your marbles when you name your golf balls.'
'You know you've
lost your marbles when you put sunscreen on your dachshound.'
'You know you've
lost your marbles when you memorize all the George Foreman Grill recipes.'
'You know you've
lost your marbles when you ask your Tidy Maid for her bra size.'
'You know you've
lost your marbles when you ask for a 'fresh' hot dog at a Thai
restaurant.'***
'You know you've
lost your marbles when you start to yodel in a voting booth.'
_____ End
"Lost Marbles" _____
_____ "Lucky
Ducks" _____
'You may be
pushing your luck if you squeeze your hen for more eggs.'
'You may be
pushing your luck if you try to jump a badminton net after you win.'
'You may be
pushing your luck if you play 'Jarts' blindfolded.'***
'You may be
pushing your luck if you try to wear a horseshoe as a good luck necklace.'***+
'You may be
pushing your luck if you go ice fishing in a 'Speedo'.'
'You may be
pushing your luck if you walk across a mine field wearing snowshoes.'***+
_____ End
"Lucky Ducks" _____
*** Doug's 'Pics'
of the Day
***+ Doug's Favs
***+ LOL Doug
can't control himself!
***++LOL Off the
charts!
=================================================================================
==================================================================================
Answers to:
Anagrams, 'Songs, Scribes & Stars', Puzzles & Quizlers,
=============================================================
> PARANOIA
>> The Beach
Boys
>>> Doug
Donnan
>>>>
John Lennon
>>>>>
An aquatic shrew-like mammal. (Desman)
>>>>>>
All are spelled correctly!
... END GTNW...
END GTNW... END GTNW... END GTNW... END GTNW
Adios,
Doug
Executive Editor
GTNW
goodtimesnewsweekly
donnan.doug@yahoo.com
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